I Always Get Pranked At Powwows

Gee, cuzzin ... the last time I went to a powwow was kinda crazy.

It’s an outdoor powwow, 1am, the sounds of competition level drumming cover the grounds. I’m smoothly snagging Mean Alvine in this wall tent over by the stick games.

Mean Alvine goes:

“I loooove how you talk, say something smooth!”

Me, trying to be smooth:

“Enunciate well, so that you can tell, I am not illiterate, no not even a little bit?”

Mean Alvine, squealing with delight:

“Ohhhh, rap for me!”

Me, even smoother:

“I’m a bipolar polar bear, zipping up a polar fleece, drinking Polar Ice and Pepsi Cola on a coral reef …”

Mean Alvine, wincing a bit:

“Naw, rap that gangsta sh*t, that thug sh*t”

Me, the smoothest I’ve ever been:

“Yo, yo, yo … is it, money or women, or funny beginnings, tragic endings, I can make a million and still not get enough of spending, and since my life is based on sinning, I’m hell bound, I’d rather be buried than be worried, living held down …”

Mean Alvine, biting her lip, giving me “the look”:

“MMMMMMHHHHMMMM!”

Just then, the powwow announcer announces all loud, throughout the camp, repeatedly:

"JASON EAGLESPEAKER, YOUR KIDS ARE CRYING IN THE CAR, THEY NEED MORE CHEEZIES AND ORANGE POP, GET BACK OVER THERE OR CHILD WELFARE WILL BE CALLED !!!"

And my kids weren’t even at the powwow, lol.

This started happening long before I had kids though - at every powwow in my teens, my twenties, and my thirties - haven't been to as many since, but I bet it will happen again, lol.

Here's the funny part: I do not know who was/is pranking me. I never found out. And it happened coast to coast, no matter the powwow.

If you find out, let me know …