When I was but a wee lad I had this wee problem – stealing from colonizers.
Well, maybe it wasn’t so much a problem, maybe it was my wee way of taking back Turtle Island, one wee theft at a time. Yeah, that’s it, let’s call it Repatriation.
I’m over it now though ... mostly, lol.
I’m in Grade 5 at GR Davis SR Elementary in Fort Macleod, Alberta, KKKanada - a bright white settler school nestled cozily at the corner of Entitlement Rd and Colonial Ave.
For two %$#@& years, those %$#@& Napikoan (white) boys bragged about their %$#@& pile of Nintendo games. They’d bring ‘em to school, show ‘em off, trade ‘em and laugh at us Kainaikoan (Blood) kids who didn’t have ‘em.
That damn Shane S. and Brad B. and Jeffrey J. and Mark A., those rich hockey heads, they were the worst of the worst of the Nintendo Napikoans, laughing at us Kainaikoan kids harder than those other Nintendo Napikoans ever did - taunting us, hip checking us into our lockers. Collectively, they had every Nintendo game there was, I know ‘cause I seent them all.
Those four f*ckers cornered me and Dean No Chief four times at Mac’s Inconvenience Store and gave us the Nintendo Napikoan beatdown/melee – other than dropping my Coke Slush though, it didn’t really hurt - on the rez us Kainaikoan kids hit much harder.
You know what though, cuzzin? This cuzzin was tired and sick of those four f*ckin’ Nintendo Napikoans, and their vicious vile ways, it was time to initiate "Operation Repatriation – Nintendo Version."
I was moving back to the rez school soon, so I didn’t have much time. I recruited Dean No Chief, Bonnie Butt, Shelly Raw Eater, Joe White Man (which is a great name for a Red Man), and Terry Scout, as Scouts, to scout out the Nintendo Napikoans/Cavalry - find out where they live, when they come and go, and what their school lockers combos are.
Boy, I tell you, us Blackfoot are the scoutiest of all scouts, especially that Terry Scout, they returned with intel in a mere 72 white man hours. Together we hatched the plan of all plans, the vengeance of all vengeances.
My last day at the bright white settler school, there was a Show n’ Tell day, and of course the four f*ckers bring in their Nintendo games to show off … but this time they each brought in their Nintendo systems, too. One even had a robot that worked with their Nintendo, Robby The Robot or something corny, lol.
My bus leaves to the rez at 3:20pm, it’s the first bus to leave. At 3pm, I leave class early, grab my duffle bag, head straight for each of those four f*ckers’ lockers, enter the combos, fill my duffle bag with all their Nintendo stuff – it’s jam packed – and beeline to my bus.
I am sweating profusely … it’s 3:18pm … two more minutes ‘til my bus leaves!
The door closes and Billy Boy The Bus Driver fittingly cranks “Bad To The Bone” by George Thorogood & The Destroyers. I settle back in my seat, giggle maniacally and cradle my two full duffle bags – one full of locker goodies, the other full of the rest of their Nintendo games (we had broken into their houses that morning and stole the rest).
They never did find out who did it, and if they did, no white parents dared come to the rez looking for us, lol.
… and that’s how the Blood rez got their first Nintendos
**Today I was adding a bunch of old school Nintendo systems and games to my iPhone (with this new emulator app called Delta) and it made me reminiscent of my thieving days and ways. Even in my wildest fantasies, young me hurriedly shoving Nintendo game cartridges into a duffle bag, could never have dreamed of having every Nintendo game on my phone … and in the middle of it all, memories of Operation Repatriation - Nintendo Version popped into my head. I hope you enjoyed my misadventure - and as for the Nintendo Napikoans, I always have, and always will, revel in a colonizer’s discomfort.